I moved into my first big girl apartment yesterday. Leading up to the move I had so many emotions. I was excited, nervous, apprehensive, terrified, and just plain scared. As I looked for apartments I realized more and more that my life was changing in a big way. As the realization struck that my new location and my old job wouldn't exactly work together I was slightly beside myself. I always like to hold on to the past and keep it a part of me until I fully step into the future but it won't be as much the case this time. I'm not getting thrown out of my old job but I see the days coming to an end and it scares me. I grew up at that job. The people there helped me to grow. I would be no where without them. But all little girls must grow up.
In the past week I have grown more emotionally than I thought I would. I started applying to jobs for the first time ever and trying to set up cable and utilities and mail changing and started packing. I was too busy worrying about logistics to feel the emotion of leaving everything behind. When I woke up this morning (or yesterday morning as the case may be) it officially hit me. I have just left everything behind and I'm walking into the great unknown.
This is the moment in my life where I hope what I have learned will pay off somehow. This is where faith comes in. I always believed that I had faith but it was a guided guarded kind of thing. Now, as I sit unable to sleep because of the many many decisions ahead of me, I realize that this is the leap of faith they talk about. The Spirit tells me this is the right move. The only thing holding me back is fear. Everyone is excited for this great change for me but right now all I can do is fear. Eventually, as I move forward, that fear will fade. I will get a job, I will find new friends (there isn't anything wrong with the old ones, trust me), I will start a new life. There will be happy times and sad times. There will be good times and bad times. All I know is that I'm moving forward into the dark, taking that big leap of faith and hoping that I've made the right decision.
Something inside tells me that I have.....
