I know it's been three and a half months but I finally have the time (and let's be perfectly honest, the motivation) to write this out. It's also been a little hard to write because of the emotion of that nearly 30 hour moment of my life. So I will start at the beginning. I had reached my turn to go and visit my parents in Texas. I was supposed to go the weekend before but my dad's family found that that was a better time to visit and so I moved my visit to the first weekend in August. Before I went I joked that every time someone went to visit my parents something big happened, and boy did it.
Saturday was an extremely rough day for both of my parents. My mom had had little sleep the night before and things were getting pretty scary for dad both physically and emotionally. I had never seen him that sick and I could tell that things would be changing very soon, either for the better or for the worse. My dad and I had some good bonding moments in the day and were able to watch the "Top 50 Plays in BYU Football history" special online while Mom went to take a nap and take care of other life needs. I was glad I was there and sad that I could only stay for a short time. We spent the day together Saturday and then around 7 I decided that I should probably find something to eat. I left for no longer than 30 minutes and came back to a flurry of activity in the room. My mom immediately came to me and told me there was a possibility that some organs were available. From my previous post, you can understand that I was trying to keep my expectations down since organs promised are not always organs given. So many factors go into determining if organs are viable and if they are viable how they are used. It was clear that my dad was in desperate need of the organs and had just been cleared to receive the transplant after a bout with an infection that temporarily off the list.
So, the waiting began. Soon the surgeon came to start the discussion and the paperwork. With heaven's intervention the Elder's Quorum President from the local ward had planned a visit to my dad that night. With a quick call my mom asked him to bring someone else along and they were able to give my Dad a blessing. It was a sweet and tender experience that reaffirmed God's hand in this trial of our life. After the blessing, Mom decided she would stay with Dad for the night. She drove me back to the apartment where I slept for the night (somewhat miraculously I dare say). The next morning would begin one of the longest days of my life.
I arrived back at the hospital on Sunday morning to the chaos of transplant preparation. Nurses were constantly coming in and out and monitoring. Doctors were also checking in. I was also greeted by some bad news. Due to dropping blood pressure and rising white blood count, people were getting nervous about going through with the transplant. Around 9:30 the hepatologist on call came in with a grave expression. She didn't say much and was immediately followed out the door by my Mom. This wasn't a good sign. This woman had been pushing and praying to the transplant to happen and she was discouraged by the recent blood tests. Around 10, Dr. McKenna, one of the transplant surgeons came in and said he was thinking the transplant was a no go. This was not good news. And I could feel that little hope inside of me deflating. He said he would discuss the situation with his colleagues and Dad's other doctors and then make a final decision. The time it took for him to leave and come back may well constitute the longest hour of my life thus far. Somehow I knew that the transplant would happen although I wasn't sure how. In this moment I felt totally alone. If these organs didn't end up going to my Dad I'm sure that emotional devastation would I have followed and I was in no way prepared to deal with that on my own. Luckily, Cami, got on a plane, not knowing what she would find when she got here, to come and help.
With the looming possibility of a "dry run" at the transplant again we waited for the doctor's to return. Around 11, Dr. Kim (the surgeon from the night before) came in and said they were going to do the transplant. He had been an advocate of it from the beginning and I'm so glad he was there that day. Hope had returned again. Dr. McKenna came back to tell us that he had no reason to do the transplant other than a gut feeling and the fact that Dad looked more "bored" than sick. Little did Dr. McKenna know that that boredom was actually fierce anger and determination. Whatever it was I'm glad my Dad showed it in his face!
We still had a flurry of activity happening around us. Blood transfusions and continuous monitoring accompanied by that uncomfortable waiting period were our life for the next hour and a half. Finally the anesthesiologist came in and it was our moment to leave and begin waiting. We left the hospital with, I'll be honest here, a little bit of a "see ya later" attitude toward Dad and headed to the airport to pick up Cami. We told only those in the immediately family and Dad's family since the surgery still wasn't a go until they started cutting. We waited for the call to tell us that the surgery had begun and then we cried. Well at least I did....but I basically cried on and off during this whole experience so maybe that doesn't mean anything. Once again showing that someone else is in charge, we got the call that the surgery had begun right at my parent's home ward headed into sacrament meeting. In that day, fast Sunday no less, so many people in that room were praying and fasting on my Dad's behalf. It was amazing that they were able to get the news right as it happened.
Then we waited. We took Mom's phone away so that she could sleep and we just waited. We sort of didn't know what to do with ourselves. We went to the hospital for a status update around the time they finished the kidney and had started working on the liver. We went back around 10:30 when we knew the transplant was around ending time. Finally Mom received a call from Dr. Kim saying that it was over and everything went as well as could be expected.
We didn't really get to see Dad until the next day and even then he was sedated. At that moment I just relished in the miracle. I know that things don't always turn out the way we want them to. I think the life after transplant hasn't been what my parents thought it would be either but we keep moving forward, knowing that what we have is a gift. There are so many people who have prayed so hard for my family during this time and those people should know that those prayers were felt by us all during this time.
Remember that sometimes our Father in Heaven pushes us to the point where we feel that we cannot go any farther and then the blessings come. I have felt that before in my life but never to this extent. In the end, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me that I don't always understand but I know will ultimately be for my good. It's in looking back on the trials that I think we learn the most!
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Life of a transplant patient's daughter....
Over the past month and a half life has gotten a little more than crazy. In May my dad got the flu and just couldn't quite get over it. After a couple of weeks and I'm sure many many calls to the doctor my Mom decided it was time to take Dad to Dallas where he could get the best medical care for his condition. For those who don't know the transplant process let me explain why they had to go to Dallas. Since Albuquerque doesn't have a transplant center my parents had to register at transplant facilities in other places. After a false start they ended up in Denver with a highly recommended doctor there. They were soon also listed in Salt Lake since that is close to most of the family. The transplant doctor in Denver moved to Dallas and my parents went with him. So every year my parents would make a trip to Dallas and a trip to Salt Lake to check in. For years and years my dad pushed past the illness. The doctors were always amazed at how much he worked and how much he could do. This time it was a little bit different.
The hospital visit in May was supposed to be an anticipated event. Not the exact moment of course, but eventually I knew that my dad would get sicker. I just didn't expect it so soon and so suddenly. One day I was talking about him having the flu and the next the doctor was telling us it was transplant or die. It was a surreal experience. My dad was admitted to the hospital and the hurry up and wait game began. As my dad was admitted and his liver counts rose, my siblings starting getting calls from the transplant hospitals to make sure that their contact info was still the same. The first few days seemed like forever. My siblings and I started to communicate about travel plans for all of us to go to Dallas. We decided that was too overwhelming for the moment and sent the nurse down to take control of the situation. I'm glad we sent her first. She was able to get more of a grip on the situation and we were able to make other plans. Other siblings made plans to go down in shifts so that Mom wouldn't be alone. Once that was settled we just had to wait for a liver.
With the scores so high my dad quickly climbed the transplant list, which is score based and not time based. While he was in the hospital we had two almost-transplant moments. Before any of us went down to Dallas, I was at Shelly's house when, at 11 o'clock, we get a call from Nikki wondering if we have heard from mom or know which hospital dad is in. The transplant team at a neighboring hospital in Fort Worth was calling around saying there was a liver available. For some reason we couldn't get a hold of Mom...it was a pretty scary moment. What if there was a liver and we couldn't get a hold of them in time?? Eventually, after much Google searching, phone calling, and texting, we got a hold of Mom and we learned that the organ wasn't viable...so our first false alarm. So we went back to waiting. Another day, as I was getting done with work, I get a call from my brother. There was a liver in Dallas....someone had come into my parents room and started asking questions. They soon found out there was a liver and we prepared ourselves. There were a million thoughts running through my mind. I can't imagine what it was like in the room. This liver turned out to be a false alarm as well. Apparently this is pretty common for transplant patients. People can't get as close and being surgically prepped and under anesthesia and the liver will get pulled for someone else. It's such an emotional roller coaster.
Speaking of emotional roller coasters....during this whole experience I was certainly on one. I was constantly on the edge of tears. I never knew what the next few hours would bring and if you know me at all you know that made me crazy. During this time, I felt the support of my siblings. They, especially Shelly, had to step in and be my parents for a minute (you know since my car was being special during this time as well and I would usually call my dad). I felt the support of my coworkers and friends. They were amazing during this time. I'm sure I was a bit crazy but they all managed to put up with me. I also felt the support of so many prayers offered on my and my families behalf. The power of prayer is so real! I felt it as I went to work and could focus on what was going on. I felt it when I would start to worry at night and something would tell me that everything would be okay. I realized that I had to get through and prayers helped me do that. My dad was released from the hospital around Memorial Day and was able to come home...I was so grateful. Luckily my turn to take care of the parents came while they were on the way home. When I saw my parents I just burst into tears. I knew the journey wasn't over, but I was able to at least gain a little sense of peace and quite honestly just hug my mommy and daddy.
Like I just said the journey isn't over. Just last week Dad was admitted back to the hospital in Dallas. Once again we wait. Not knowing exactly what to pray for I can only pray the Heavenly Father's will be done. I am grateful for the Gospel in my life. I don't know how you would go through this experience without the knowledge that families can be together forever. Knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan makes everything just a little bit easier. Until that plan is fulfilled we sit and wait and hope for a liver......
The hospital visit in May was supposed to be an anticipated event. Not the exact moment of course, but eventually I knew that my dad would get sicker. I just didn't expect it so soon and so suddenly. One day I was talking about him having the flu and the next the doctor was telling us it was transplant or die. It was a surreal experience. My dad was admitted to the hospital and the hurry up and wait game began. As my dad was admitted and his liver counts rose, my siblings starting getting calls from the transplant hospitals to make sure that their contact info was still the same. The first few days seemed like forever. My siblings and I started to communicate about travel plans for all of us to go to Dallas. We decided that was too overwhelming for the moment and sent the nurse down to take control of the situation. I'm glad we sent her first. She was able to get more of a grip on the situation and we were able to make other plans. Other siblings made plans to go down in shifts so that Mom wouldn't be alone. Once that was settled we just had to wait for a liver.
With the scores so high my dad quickly climbed the transplant list, which is score based and not time based. While he was in the hospital we had two almost-transplant moments. Before any of us went down to Dallas, I was at Shelly's house when, at 11 o'clock, we get a call from Nikki wondering if we have heard from mom or know which hospital dad is in. The transplant team at a neighboring hospital in Fort Worth was calling around saying there was a liver available. For some reason we couldn't get a hold of Mom...it was a pretty scary moment. What if there was a liver and we couldn't get a hold of them in time?? Eventually, after much Google searching, phone calling, and texting, we got a hold of Mom and we learned that the organ wasn't viable...so our first false alarm. So we went back to waiting. Another day, as I was getting done with work, I get a call from my brother. There was a liver in Dallas....someone had come into my parents room and started asking questions. They soon found out there was a liver and we prepared ourselves. There were a million thoughts running through my mind. I can't imagine what it was like in the room. This liver turned out to be a false alarm as well. Apparently this is pretty common for transplant patients. People can't get as close and being surgically prepped and under anesthesia and the liver will get pulled for someone else. It's such an emotional roller coaster.
Speaking of emotional roller coasters....during this whole experience I was certainly on one. I was constantly on the edge of tears. I never knew what the next few hours would bring and if you know me at all you know that made me crazy. During this time, I felt the support of my siblings. They, especially Shelly, had to step in and be my parents for a minute (you know since my car was being special during this time as well and I would usually call my dad). I felt the support of my coworkers and friends. They were amazing during this time. I'm sure I was a bit crazy but they all managed to put up with me. I also felt the support of so many prayers offered on my and my families behalf. The power of prayer is so real! I felt it as I went to work and could focus on what was going on. I felt it when I would start to worry at night and something would tell me that everything would be okay. I realized that I had to get through and prayers helped me do that. My dad was released from the hospital around Memorial Day and was able to come home...I was so grateful. Luckily my turn to take care of the parents came while they were on the way home. When I saw my parents I just burst into tears. I knew the journey wasn't over, but I was able to at least gain a little sense of peace and quite honestly just hug my mommy and daddy.
Like I just said the journey isn't over. Just last week Dad was admitted back to the hospital in Dallas. Once again we wait. Not knowing exactly what to pray for I can only pray the Heavenly Father's will be done. I am grateful for the Gospel in my life. I don't know how you would go through this experience without the knowledge that families can be together forever. Knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan makes everything just a little bit easier. Until that plan is fulfilled we sit and wait and hope for a liver......
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Sibilings.....
Remember when I used to blog...that was fun right?? Well I know it's been nearly a year, but I just haven't felt that inspired to write anything lately. Until recently anyway.... Over the past few months I have come to appreciate my siblings more and more. In that spirit, I would like to tell the universe why I love each of them. We'll start with the closest to me in age and work my way up.
Chad--My brother makes me laugh harder than anyone I have ever met. Growing up I'm pretty sure I annoyed him to death because we were just far enough apart in age that we had very little in common. However, he didn't always throw me by the wayside (probably because my mom made him but I love him for it nonetheless). I learned to appreciate him more when he went on a mission and in the years since. I love how hard he works to provide for his family and how much he loves his wife and kids. I'm so grateful he is able to work at the same place as my dad...it makes me a little less worried about something happening and no one being there for Dad.
Cami--Cami is the greatest time-juggler that I've ever met. Every time I go to her house she always has one million things going on. Through it all she manages to keep her kids happy and take the time to appreciate each of her kids for who they are. She is always the loudest cheerer at her kids events. Even if they don't always appreciate her enthusiasm, she continues to work hard to help them be successful in the things that they do. I've always wanted to be as socially graceful as Cami is. She always develops good friends and keeps in touch with them even as she or others move around.
Shelly--Shelly is simply the nicest person I know. She is always looking out for everyone else around her before she looks out for herself. She always checks in when she can sense something is wrong and invites me to Tooele when I need a little get away. She is amazing at her job and still manages to be an amazing mom as well. She also goes to a million events and smiles through them all. She is always the first to plan an family get together and is always willing to sacrifice her time to come out to other people's houses for those parties. Mostly I love that she is always willing to watch cheesy Hallmark movies with me!
Nikki--Nikki is my second mom. Not like my second mom, but is my second mom. When I moved up to Provo she took me in and gave me a place in her house. When she moved houses she even made sure that I had a room so that I would feel comfortable there. (which I very much do!) I am always amazed at her cooking skills. Maybe someday I will cook as well as she does! She works hard to keep her crazy creative girls busy as well as all of the kids in the neighborhood. There is hardly ever a time when I go to her house and there isn't an extra child or two that she is taking care of. She is amazingly generous to everyone that she knows, including myself. I always feel like I can talk to her about the things in my life that are going crazy. Plus she gave me a job outside of the MTC, so you know, I gotta love her for that!!
Anyway this is just a brief glimpse of why I love my siblings. Mostly I love that we all love each other. When something happens to one the rest of us do what we can to help out. (I feel a little bad for Chad on this one....he just lives farther away so it's a little more difficult but we are with him in spirit!) Being the youngest (by a chunk of years) I wasn't always super close to my siblings, but I'm glad that I have had that opportunity in the last seven years. It certainly has changed me for the better!!!
Chad--My brother makes me laugh harder than anyone I have ever met. Growing up I'm pretty sure I annoyed him to death because we were just far enough apart in age that we had very little in common. However, he didn't always throw me by the wayside (probably because my mom made him but I love him for it nonetheless). I learned to appreciate him more when he went on a mission and in the years since. I love how hard he works to provide for his family and how much he loves his wife and kids. I'm so grateful he is able to work at the same place as my dad...it makes me a little less worried about something happening and no one being there for Dad.
Cami--Cami is the greatest time-juggler that I've ever met. Every time I go to her house she always has one million things going on. Through it all she manages to keep her kids happy and take the time to appreciate each of her kids for who they are. She is always the loudest cheerer at her kids events. Even if they don't always appreciate her enthusiasm, she continues to work hard to help them be successful in the things that they do. I've always wanted to be as socially graceful as Cami is. She always develops good friends and keeps in touch with them even as she or others move around.
Shelly--Shelly is simply the nicest person I know. She is always looking out for everyone else around her before she looks out for herself. She always checks in when she can sense something is wrong and invites me to Tooele when I need a little get away. She is amazing at her job and still manages to be an amazing mom as well. She also goes to a million events and smiles through them all. She is always the first to plan an family get together and is always willing to sacrifice her time to come out to other people's houses for those parties. Mostly I love that she is always willing to watch cheesy Hallmark movies with me!
Nikki--Nikki is my second mom. Not like my second mom, but is my second mom. When I moved up to Provo she took me in and gave me a place in her house. When she moved houses she even made sure that I had a room so that I would feel comfortable there. (which I very much do!) I am always amazed at her cooking skills. Maybe someday I will cook as well as she does! She works hard to keep her crazy creative girls busy as well as all of the kids in the neighborhood. There is hardly ever a time when I go to her house and there isn't an extra child or two that she is taking care of. She is amazingly generous to everyone that she knows, including myself. I always feel like I can talk to her about the things in my life that are going crazy. Plus she gave me a job outside of the MTC, so you know, I gotta love her for that!!
Anyway this is just a brief glimpse of why I love my siblings. Mostly I love that we all love each other. When something happens to one the rest of us do what we can to help out. (I feel a little bad for Chad on this one....he just lives farther away so it's a little more difficult but we are with him in spirit!) Being the youngest (by a chunk of years) I wasn't always super close to my siblings, but I'm glad that I have had that opportunity in the last seven years. It certainly has changed me for the better!!!
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